Fine-Tuning Your Positive
Parenting Skills
Positive parenting is something that
concerns nearly all mothers and fathers. As devoted parents, we all want
to have a healthy impact on our kids and help them to grow up feeling
nurtured, safe, and cared for. With our hectic lives and our own
"grown-up problems," how do we do this? How do we be a wayshower and a
caregiver for our young ones?
One part of the answer is to seek the best, illuminate the positive, and
to find the grain of goodness in every situation you encounter with your
child.
The underlying principle here is that every situation that arises with
your child is perfect, even at its most troublesome point. Every
situation has a positive side. Therefore, positive parenting begins with
desiring to find the positive in any situation. Not easy, for sure! But
it can be done.
Take a simple and common conflict for instance: You and your two
children are in the car. One child wants to go to one place; one wants
to go somewhere else. Bickering starts. It soon turns into fighting.
What do you do? How do you choose where to go without making one kid
feel hurt?
Positive parenting begins with surrender and neutrality, so a large part
of the answer is to first see the fight as an opportunity for you to
practice "surrender in the midst of chaos." Every fight and every
squabble are mini teachers for you to learn to be a true and strong
middle ground. So don't say to yourself: "Oh no, they are at it again!"
Instead, embrace the fight. See it as a chance for you to become more
solid, more capable, and more instrumental as a parent. See it as a
welcome invitation to practice all your positive parenting skills.
The fight is not a problem unless you make it one. In fact, try not to
even call it a fight. Perhaps you could call it a "parenting skills
enhancer." Switch the label in your mind. Positive parenting begins in
you. This positive outlook is where your actions must flow from.
Naturally, you are going to have to take action. You must be the referee
for your two bickering kids. This is to be expected. But if you are not
fighting their fight by judging it, you will be far more effective in
helping them find the solution.
So, keeping your intent on positive parenting, try to listen to your
kids. Let each one speak their mind. Give each one a chance to really be
heard. Let each kid feel as if they are being seen and acknowledged. You
will be a far better guide if you are calm in yourself. And the only way
to do that is to not take sides, to feel alert and to stay centered.
Teach your kids by way of example. Be the solution, instead of seeking
it, and soon you will find squabbles will feel much more entertaining,
rather than feeling like unwanted nuisances.
